Embracing Flexibility: A Guide for Parents of Autistic Children on Managing Cancelled Plans
As parents of autistic children, we understand that routine and predictability often provide a sense of comfort and security. However, life has a way of throwing curveballs, and cancelled plans can be particularly challenging for our autistic loved ones. This article aims to provide strategies and insights to help both you and your child navigate the unpredictable waters of changed plans, all while celebrating neurodiversity and promoting understanding. Supporting children through disappointment is so important for their wellbeing.
For many autistic individuals, unexpected changes can trigger anxiety, frustration, or meltdowns. This reaction isn’t a behavioural issue, but rather a natural response to a sudden shift in anticipated events. It’s crucial to approach this challenge with empathy and patience, recognising that your child’s distress is valid and understandable.
Strategies for Managing Cancelled Plans
Develop a Backup Plan
Having alternative activities ready can provide a sense of control when original plans fall through. Work with your child to create a list of enjoyable activities that can be done at short notice. This might include:
- Favourite board games or puzzles
- A special TV show or film
- A preferred sensory activity: 10 Brilliant Sensory Activities for Autistic Teenagers
- A trip to a nearby park or playground
Practice Flexibility
Building resilience to change is a gradual process. Start by introducing small, planned changes in a safe environment. This could involve:
- 1. Introduce Minor Adjustments to Routines: Start with small, low-stress changes, such as slightly altering the order of a familiar routine like bedtime. For example, read a new story before bed or switch the sequence of brushing teeth and washing up. Small shifts help the individual adapt without overwhelming them.
- Experiment with New Foods Alongside Familiar Favorites: When introducing new foods, pair them with well-liked, familiar options on the same plate. This method reduces anxiety by balancing novelty with comfort and allows gradual exploration of new tastes and textures.
- Take Variations on Familiar Routes: Modify familiar activities slightly by taking a new path during a routine walk. This provides a controlled change in a predictable environment, helping the individual experience small adjustments with a sense of safety.
- Offer Positive Reinforcement for Flexibility: Encourage and praise each successful experience with change, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement strengthens confidence and reinforces the message that change can be safe and manageable.
- Gradual Increase in Change Complexity: As comfort with small changes grows, introduce slightly more complex adjustments, like trying new activities or making variations to daily routines. This step-by-step approach builds a foundation of resilience over time.
Celebrate your child’s ability to adapt to these small changes, reinforcing that flexibility can be a positive experience.
Open Communication
Encourage your child to express their feelings about cancelled plans. Validate their emotions while gently explaining why changes sometimes occur. You might say (depending on their receptive language skills):
“I understand you’re disappointed that we can’t go to the cinema today. It’s okay to feel upset. Sometimes plans change for reasons we can’t control. Let’s think about what we could do instead that might be fun.”
Utilise Calming Techniques
Work with your child to identify self-soothing methods that help them manage anxiety or frustration. These might include:
- Deep breathing exercises
- Stimming (self-stimulatory behaviour)
- Using a favourite sensory toy
- Listening to calming music
Reframe the Situation
Help your child find positive aspects of the change. This might be an opportunity for:
- Extra time for a favourite activity
- A chance to try something new
- Unexpected free time to relax
Allow Processing Time
Remember, it’s perfectly okay for your child to feel disappointed. Give them time to process the change before moving on to other activities. This respect for their emotional journey can help build trust and understanding.
Creating a Routine for Unexpected Changes
Establishing a routine for handling cancelled plans can provide structure and comfort. Consider the following steps:
- Acknowledge Feelings: “I can see you’re feeling upset about this change.”
- Take Deep Breaths: Practice calming breaths together.
- Review Alternatives: Look at your backup plan or list of alternative activities.
- Choose a New Activity: Allow your child to select from the alternatives, or opt for rest if needed.
- Reflect Later: Once emotions have settled, discuss the experience to improve future coping strategies.
The Power of Preparing Autistic Children for Changes to Routine
While we can’t predict every change, we can prepare our children for the concept of change itself. Here are some ideas:
- Use social stories to explain why plans sometimes change
- Role-play scenarios involving unexpected changes
- Discuss real-life examples of times when plans changed and how people adapted
Every autistic individual is unique. What works for one child may not work for another. Be patient as you and your child discover the strategies that work best for your family.
Celebrating Neurodiversity
As we work on managing cancelled plans, it’s important to remember that the goal isn’t to change who our children are, but to help them navigate a world that can be unpredictable. Autistic individuals often bring valuable perspectives and skills to the table, such as attention to detail, passionate interests, and unique problem-solving abilities. By helping our children develop flexibility, we’re adding another tool to their toolkit, not trying to fundamentally change their neurology.
A Note on Language.
Throughout this article, we’ve used identity-first language (“autistic individual” rather than “person with autism”) as this is generally preferred by the autistic community. However, we recognise that language preferences can vary. Always prioritise the preferences of the autistic individuals in your life.
Conclusion
Managing cancelled plans can be challenging, but with patience, understanding, and the right strategies, it’s a skill that can be developed over time. Remember to celebrate small victories and be kind to yourself and your child as you navigate this journey together. If we teach flexibility and resilience, we’re not only helping our children cope with change but also empowering them to thrive in a world full of unexpected twists and turns.
Remember, you’re doing a great job. Your efforts to understand and support your autistic child are invaluable. Keep learning, keep growing, and most importantly, keep celebrating the unique individual your child is.