SEN Parents: Balancing Needs of all Your Children

SEN Families: Strategies for Balancing the Needs of Children with Special Needs and Their Siblings

Parenting can be a beautiful experience. It can also be challenging, especially when you have a child with special educational needs (SEN). As a parent, you find yourself juggling the requirements of your child with SEN while also ensuring that your other children receive the love, attention, and support they deserve. I have struggled writing this post and won’t try and pretend I have always succeeded in doing all this but I hope you can relate to some of this.

Imagine this scenario: You’re sitting at the dinner table, your children gathered around you. Your child (or multiple children!) is having a difficult day, and their behaviour is causing disruptions. At the same time, your other children are trying to share their own stories and experiences from school. You find yourself torn between addressing the immediate needs of your child with SEN and giving your undivided attention to your other children. It’s a familiar scene, one that many parents can relate to.

The good news is that you’re not alone in this journey. With the right strategies and mindset, you can create a harmonious environment where all your children feel valued, understood, and supported. Here’s a practical guide that will hopefully help you navigate this path.

Understanding Your Child’s Unique Needs

The first step is to understand your child with SEN truly. Take the time to learn about their condition, their strengths, their challenges, and their preferred communication style. Consult with professionals, attend workshops, and connect with other parents who share similar experiences. Knowledge is power, and it will empower you to provide the best possible support for your child.

Imagine being able to anticipate your child’s needs, understand their triggers, and navigate their emotions with ease. This level of understanding not only benefits your child with SEN but also helps your other children develop empathy and patience.

Prioritising Self-Care

As a parent, you are the anchor of your family. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential. When you’re well-rested, emotionally stable, and physically healthy, you’re better equipped to support all your children.

Prioritise self-care practices such as:

• Respite Care: Arrange for breaks, whether it’s a few hours or a weekend, so you can recharge your batteries. This might involve enlisting the help of family members, friends, or professional caregivers. In the UK this is often accessed through a Social Services referral. Here is the NHS guide to carers support.
• Seeking Support: Join SEN parenting support groups or online communities where you can share your experiences, vent your frustrations, and receive encouragement from others who understand your journey.
• Healthy Lifestyle: Eat well, exercise regularly, and get enough rest. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Communicating Openly

Open communication is key when it comes to navigating the complexities of raising a child with SEN and other children. Talk to your children about their sibling’s needs, using age-appropriate language and answering their questions honestly.

Encourage empathy and understanding by acknowledging their feelings and validating their experiences. Siblings often feel a mix of love, frustration, and responsibility when it comes to their brother or sister with SEN. By creating an environment where they can openly express themselves, you’ll hopefully start to develop a deeper connection and understanding within your family.

Individualising Attention

I wrote this paragraph in 2 minutes but I am well aware this is a real challenge. Each child deserves one-on-one time with you. Schedule special moments with each child, whether it’s reading a book together, playing a game, or going for a walk. These moments strengthen your bond and reassure your other children that they matter just as much as their siblings with SEN. Imagine the joy on your child’s face as they have your undivided attention, unless they are a teenager then you may not see it (but it will be there), even if it’s just for a short while. These special moments create lasting memories and reinforce the message that every child is loved and valued.

Involving Your Other Children

Include your other children in your child’s care routines. Teach them how to interact with their sibling with SEN, emphasising kindness and patience. Involve them in therapy sessions or educational activities, when appropriate.

This inclusion fosters understanding and reduces any feelings of exclusion. Your other children will learn valuable lessons about empathy, compassion, and the importance of supporting one another. Each member of a family contributes in their own way. This sense of unity and teamwork will strengthen your family bond and create a supportive environment for all your children.

Setting Realistic Expectations

Recognise that you can’t do it all. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your family. Understand that some days will be challenging, and that’s okay. Celebrate small victories and practice self-compassion. Imagine approaching each day with a sense of grace and acceptance. By letting go of unrealistic expectations, you’ll be able to enjoy the present moment and appreciate the progress your family is making, no matter how small.

Advocating for Your Child

Advocacy is crucial to ensuring that your child with SEN receives the necessary support at school, during therapy sessions, and in the community. Advocate for their rights and accommodations, and involve your other children in this process. How to Advocate for Your Child’s Rights and Needs in the UK School System

By witnessing your advocacy efforts, your other children will learn valuable lessons about standing up for what’s right and supporting those who need it most. They’ll develop a deeper appreciation for diversity and the importance of creating an inclusive society. Imagine your family being a force for positive change, inspiring others to embrace and support individuals with special needs.

Creating a Supportive Environment

Your home environment plays a crucial role in developing a sense of belonging and understanding. Create a space where everyone feels heard, respected, and loved. Encourage open communication, problem-solving, and teamwork. Celebrate each child’s achievements, whether big or small. This will reinforce the message that every child is valued and appreciated for who they are. In some settings they call this social role valorisation which if you aren’t familiar with the term is worth reading up on.

Imagine your home being a sanctuary of love, acceptance, and understanding. Picture your family members supporting one another through thick and thin, creating a bond that transcends any challenges they may face.

Teaching Flexibility

Life with a child with SEN can be unpredictable. Teach your other children the importance of flexibility and adaptability. Sometimes plans change, and that’s okay. Show them that love and acceptance transcend any challenges that may arise.

Imagine your family being able to roll with the punches, adapting to changing circumstances with grace and resilience. This ability to be flexible will serve your children well, not only in their relationships with their siblings with SEN but also in their future endeavours.

Celebrating Uniqueness

Embrace the uniqueness of each child. Your child with SEN has strengths and gifts that enrich your family. Celebrate their progress, no matter how small. Teach your other children to appreciate diversity and find joy in their sibling’s achievements.

Imagine your family embracing neurodiversity and recognizing the beauty in each individual’s unique qualities. This celebration of uniqueness will foster a deeper sense of understanding and appreciation for one another.

Top Tips For Balancing SEN Child and Their Siblings

1. Create a “cheat sheet” with your child’s specific needs, triggers, and preferred communication methods. Share it with family members, caregivers, and teachers to ensure consistency and understanding.
2. Schedule regular self-care activities, even if it’s just 30 minutes a day. Treat these appointments as non-negotiable, just like you would any other important commitment. Set reminders, enlist the support of loved ones, and make your well-being a priority.
3. Set aside dedicated family time each week to discuss any concerns, frustrations, or successes. Encourage everyone to share their perspectives and validate their feelings. Consider incorporating a “talking stick” or other visual aid to ensure that each person has an opportunity to speak without interruption.
4. Create a rotating schedule for one-on-one time with each child, and stick to it as much as possible. Even small gestures, like leaving a special note in their lunchbox or having a bedtime chat, can make a big impact and reinforce the message that they are loved and valued.
5. Make sure to involve your other children in a way that is appropriate for their age and maturity level. Start small and gradually increase their responsibilities as they become more comfortable.
6. Create a “victory wall” or a special place to display your child’s achievements, big or small. Encourage your other children to contribute to this space, celebrating their sibling’s successes as their own.

Conclusion

Balancing the needs of your child with special needs and your other children is an ongoing journey, filled with challenges and triumphs. Be patient with yourself, seek support when needed, and remember that love is the foundation of it all. Your family’s resilience, compassion, and commitment to one another will guide you through the complexities, creating a harmonious and nurturing environment for everyone. Embrace the beauty in diversity, celebrate the small victories, and cherish the moments of connection and understanding. With perseverance and an open heart, you can create a family dynamic where every child feels valued, supported, and loved unconditionally.