How To Teach Children To Wait

Waiting: Strategies for use at home & school

Waiting can be a challenge for many children. As a teacher and a parent, I have had to find ways to teach children to wait for a whole range of things. Throughout the day in the SEN classroom, there are natural lulls in planned activity. This may be due to staff breaks, the logistics of managing resources in the classroom, and switching attention between children and transition. Teaching a child to wait have many advantages and will be a skill that the child will need to draw on throughout their life. Waiting is a social skill that it is too easy to presume a child will be able to do. I have always taught autistic children and the teaching of waiting was an integral part of our daily routine.

What is waiting?

Teaching children to wait needs adults to carefully plan why that child is waiting and design appropriate resources to support them. Identify the times in the day that they may need to pause before moving on. Technically waiting means remaining inactive until an expected event occurs. This isn’t really the case in schools. I have never managed to keep a class or my own children inactive. There are two usual reasons for a child to be waiting. The transition between activities/tasks and delayed gratification. Both of these have different purposes but have a commonality in required skills. To wait successfully, in either case, requires the following areas of awareness:

• Expectation
• Trust
• Time
• Patience
• Anticipation
• Purpose

Why can’t my child wait their turn?

If you constantly find yourself asking, “Why can’t my child wait their turn?”, you are not alone. It is a question I hear all the time. On the playground, it often looks like the child is being pushy or rude. But honestly, there is usually a valid reason deep inside their wiring. It is rarely about them trying to be difficult. Let me explain what is actually happening.

The brakes aren’t working yet Impulse control is a major brain function. Think of it like a car. The child has a powerful engine that says “Go!” But the brakes, the part that says “Stop”, are still being built. They see the slide. Their brain fires a signal to move. They physically cannot stop that signal in time. It is not a bad choice; it is biology.

Time is a blurry concept “Wait your turn” assumes they know how long a “turn” lasts. To an autistic brain, a turn might feel like forever. They often live in the “now.” Future rewards feel fake or impossible to them. If they can’t see the end of the wait, they panic. When you ask why they can’t wait, often they just don’t know how long to wait.

The fear of missing out Anxiety plays a massive role here too. They worry that if they don’t go now, they never will. “Later” often sounds exactly like “Never” to a child. They need certainty. Grabbing the toy or cutting in line is their way of ensuring safety. They are trying to control the chaos.

The craving for a dopamine hit Their brains might be starving for stimulation. That toy or activity is the food they need. Waiting feels physically uncomfortable to them. It isn’t just simple impatience; it is a sensory need. Their body is screaming for that input right now. Asking them to wait is like asking a hungry person to stare at lunch.

Teaching children to wait: The Wait Box

For the following strategies to be successful the expectation within that environment needs to be one of patience and waiting. When behaviours linked to impatience are displayed it is essential that the adult response is planned to enhance the teachable moment. For example, if a request is made the adult could shape the interaction by explaining when the item can be had. This is where appropriate boundaries can be put in place. Sometimes a need can and should be met immediately, sometimes we can plan a delay to that need without causing distress. Teaching autistic children to wait requires us to have patience and does require us to have a plan. I have two favourite techniques to help support children to learn to wait, the first is using a visual sand timer, the second is the “Wait box”.

Creating a Wait Box

To create a wait box simply collect favoured items, motivators etc for each child. Put them in any container and only get them out when there is time to be filled. If the child has unlimited access to a wait box it will be ineffective. As you are using it to teach the skill of waiting reinforce that with a visual, verbal prompt “We are waiting for lunch”.

Modelling The Skill of Waiting.

As an adult demonstrating any skill we can model expectations of patience in our interactions throughout the day. When we make a request of the child we need to be careful not to harangue the child into compliance (a tricky balance when living with procrastinators). Children will pick up on all of our behaviours. Every “Hurry up” and sign of impatience will be teaching them that waiting is bad. We are all human and often in a rush. School timetables are a cause of stress and often not conducive to teaching waiting.

10 Strategies for Teaching Children to wait

Here is the detailed, neurodiversity-affirming version. I kept the sentences punchy and avoided the fluff, just like you asked.

1. Explain the “Why” behind the wait

“Because I said so” creates frustration, not patience. Autistic brains often need context to feel safe. If we deny a request, we must give a valid reason. For example, say “The oven is still hot” instead of just “No.” This respects their need for logic and understanding. It turns a demand into a shared safety rule. It helps them process the disappointment logically.

2. Make time look real

Time is invisible and abstract, which is scary. Concepts like “five minutes” mean nothing to many neurodivergent kids. We need to make time concrete and visible. Use visual timers, sand timers, or countdown apps. Watching the red disk disappear on a timer reduces anxiety. It shows them exactly when the waiting will end.

3. Co-regulate by waiting together

Asking a dysregulated child to wait alone is unfair. We need to share the burden of the wait. Sit with them on the bench while waiting for the train. Put your own phone away and model being bored. Show them that you are waiting too. This is called co-regulation. Your calm presence lends them strength when they feel impatient.

4. Use “Heavy Work” to fill the gap

Waiting feels like doing nothing, which is hard for active bodies. Fill that empty time with proprioceptive input, or “heavy work.” Let them carry the heavy grocery bags while you unlock the door. Have them wipe the table while dinner finishes cooking. Heavy work calms the nervous system and provides focus. It turns “waiting” into “helping,” which builds self-esteem.

5. Be strategic with technology

Screens are great tools, but they are instant dopamine. Constant instant gratification makes waiting for real-world things harder. We want to build tolerance for boredom slowly. Try waiting two minutes before handing over the iPad. Explain that the battery needs to charge a little bit first. This builds a small “patience muscle” without causing a meltdown.

6. Reduce anxiety with information

Anxiety makes five minutes feel like five hours. Many neurodivergent kids fear the unknown more than the wait itself. Remove the mystery to lower the stress levels. Call the doctor’s office to see if they are running late. Show them pictures of the place you are going. When the brain knows what to expect, it can relax.

7. Create a dedicated “Wait Box”

Novelty creates dopamine, which captures attention. A “Wait Box” is a special kit only used for waiting. Fill it with fidgets, putty, or visual toys. Keep this box out of sight during normal play. This keeps the items fresh and exciting. If they have access to these toys all day, the magic fades.

8. Rely on visual schedules

Auditory processing can shut down when a child is stressed. Words like “later” might just sound like noise. Use a “Now and Next” board to show the plan. Put a picture of “Wait” under Now and “Tablets” under Next. This visual proof reassures them that the reward is coming. It anchors them in the present moment.

9. Build safety through trust

Trust is the foundation of a neurodiversity-affirming classroom or home. If you promise a reward after a wait, you must deliver. Never take away the reward because of behavior during the wait. If they waited, they earned it, period. Breaking a promise tells them that waiting is a trick. Honoring your word makes them feel safe to wait next time.

10. Lower the arousal levels

Chaos breeds impatience and dysregulation. You cannot teach patience in a room that feels like a carnival. We need to slow our own body movements and speech. A low-arousal environment helps the nervous system settle down. If we rush around, the child will feel that frantic energy. Calm is just as contagious as stress.

We would love to hear your ideas for teaching children to wait. Please add these to the comments section!