Anxiety: Keeping Your Child Calm Before School

How to Keep Your Child Calm Before School if They Have Social Anxiety

Social anxiety can be a significant hurdle for children, especially when it comes to facing school each day. The fear of social interactions, being judged, or not fitting in can make mornings particularly stressful. As a parent, there are several strategies you can employ to help your child stay calm before school. This article will provide practical steps to support your child and create a more peaceful morning routine, it compliments our article on Anxiety Based School Avoidance. This is now often referred to as Emotionally Based School Avoidance or EBSA.

Understanding Social Anxiety in Children

Before diving into the strategies, it’s important to understand what social anxiety is and how it manifests in children. Social anxiety is more than just shyness. It’s a fear of social situations that is intense enough to interfere with daily activities. Children with social anxiety may:

• Experience physical symptoms: such as stomachaches, headaches, sweating, or a racing heart.
• Avoid social situations: like speaking in class, joining group activities, or attending school events.
• Show signs of distress: like crying, tantrums, or clinginess before school.

Recognising these symptoms is the first step in addressing your child’s needs.

Strategies to Keep Your Child Calm Before School

1. Establish a Consistent Morning Routine

A predictable routine can provide a sense of security and reduce anxiety.

1. Set a Schedule: Establish a consistent wake-up time and follow the same routine every morning. This can include getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, and packing their school bag.
2. Prepare the Night Before: Lay out clothes, pack the school bag, and prepare lunch the night before to reduce morning stress. It may be worth doing this out of sight of the child, maybe not in their bedroom.
3. Visual Schedule: Create a visual schedule with pictures and words to help your child understand and follow the morning routine.

Practical Example:

• Visual Schedule: Use a whiteboard or a printable chart with images representing each morning task. Let your child check off each task as they complete it.

2. Practice Relaxation Techniques

Teaching your child simple relaxation techniques can help them manage anxiety symptoms.

1. Deep Breathing: Teach your child to take slow, deep breaths. Inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four.
2. Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Guide your child through tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups, starting from the toes and working up to the head.
3. Mindfulness and Meditation: Use age-appropriate mindfulness exercises or guided meditations to help your child focus on the present moment.

Practical Example:

• Deep Breathing: Practice deep breathing together each morning. Make it a fun game by pretending to blow up a balloon with each breath.

3. Provide Emotional Support

Offer consistent emotional support to help your child feel understood and valued.

1. Validate Feelings: Acknowledge your child’s anxiety and let them know it’s okay to feel nervous. Avoid dismissing their fears.
2. Open Communication: Encourage your child to talk about their feelings. Listen without judgment and offer reassurance.
3. Positive Affirmations: Teach your child positive affirmations to boost their confidence and self-esteem.

Practical Example:

• Positive Affirmations: Create a list of affirmations with your child, such as “I am brave” or “I can handle this.” Say these together each morning.

4. Gradual Exposure to Social Situations

Gradual exposure to social situations can help desensitize your child to their fears.

1. Small Steps: Start with small, manageable social interactions and gradually increase the difficulty.
2. Role-Playing: Practice social scenarios at home through role-playing. This can include greeting classmates, answering questions in class, or joining a group activity.
3. Reward System: Use a reward system to reinforce positive social interactions. Praise and small rewards can motivate your child to face their fears.

Practical Example:

• Role-Playing: Role-play common school scenarios with your child. Take turns being the teacher or a classmate to practice different interactions.

5. Collaborate with School Staff

Working with your child’s school can provide additional support and resources.

1. Communicate with Teachers: Inform your child’s teacher about their social anxiety. Teachers can offer support and be more understanding of your child’s needs.
2. School Counselor: Seek help from the school counselor for additional strategies and support. They can work with your child on coping skills and provide a safe space at school.
3. Pastoral Support Plan: If your child’s anxiety significantly impacts their school performance, consider developing a Pastoral Support Plan to provide accommodations and support.

Practical Example:

• Communicate with Teachers: Schedule a meeting with your child’s teacher to discuss their anxiety and develop a plan for support. This might include seating arrangements, calming routines within class, a buddy system, or a non-verbal signal for when they need a break.

6. Encourage Healthy Lifestyle Habits

A healthy lifestyle can significantly affect your child’s anxiety levels. Ensure they get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, and engage in regular physical activity.

1. Sleep Routine: Ensure your child gets enough sleep by establishing a consistent bedtime routine. Lack of sleep can exacerbate anxiety.
2. Balanced Diet: Provide nutritious meals and snacks. Avoid excessive sugar and caffeine, which can increase anxiety.
3. Physical Activity: Encourage regular physical activity. Exercise can reduce anxiety and improve mood.

Practical Example:

• Sleep Routine: Create a calming bedtime routine that includes activities like reading a book, taking a warm bath, or listening to soothing music.

7. Address Negative Thoughts

Help your child identify and challenge negative thoughts that contribute to their anxiety.

1. Cognitive Restructuring: Teach your child to recognize negative thoughts and replace them with more realistic, positive ones.
2. Thought Journals: Encourage your child to keep a journal where they write down their anxious thoughts and then challenge them with evidence-based reasoning.
3. Positive Self-Talk: Promote positive self-talk by modelling it yourself. Show your child how to reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.

Practical Example:

• Thought Journals: Each evening, sit down with your child and help them write down any negative thoughts they had during the day. Discuss these thoughts and guide them in finding positive alternatives.

8. Create a Calm and Supportive Home Environment

A supportive home environment can make a big difference in your child’s anxiety levels.

1. Safe Space: Create a designated “calm corner” in your home where your child can go to relax and decompress.
2. Open Communication: Home needs to be an environment where your child feels safe expressing their feelings and concerns.
3. Stress-Reducing Activities: Incorporate stress-reducing activities into your family routine, such as family walks, yoga, or art projects.

Practical Example:

• Calm Corner/Autistic nest: Set up a corner with comfortable pillows, a soft blanket, and calming activities like colouring books, fidget toys, or a sensory bottle.

9. Build Friendships and Social Skills

Helping your child build friendships and social skills can reduce their anxiety over time.

1. Playdates: Arrange playdates with classmates or children from your clubs Start with one-on-one interactions before moving to larger groups.
2. Extracurricular Activities: Encourage participation in extracurricular activities that align with your child’s interests. This can provide structured social interactions in a less formal setting.

Practical Example:

• Playdates: Host a small, low-pressure playdate at your home. Provide structured activities that your child enjoys to help them feel more at ease.

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Conclusion

Helping your child manage social anxiety before school requires patience, understanding, and consistent effort. By establishing a supportive morning routine, teaching relaxation techniques, providing emotional support, and collaborating with school staff, you can create a calmer, more reassuring environment for your child. Additionally, fostering healthy lifestyle habits, addressing negative thoughts, and encouraging friendships can further aid in reducing anxiety.

Remember, every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. Be flexible and willing to try different strategies until you find what best helps your child. Above all, let your child know that you are there for them, and together you can navigate the challenges of social anxiety.

Additional Resources

• Books: “When My Worries Get Too Big!” by Kari Dunn Buron, “The Anxiety Workbook for Kids” by Robin Alter
• Websites: NHS Mental Health Services
• Apps: Headspace for Kids, Calm, Stop, Breathe & Think Kids