Connecting with Non-Verbal Autistic Children

Entering Their World: A Parent’s Guide to Communicating with Your Non-verbal Autistic Child

Over the years I’ve learned that connection doesn’t always look the way we expect it to. Our journey of bonding with our children often takes us down unexpected paths, challenging our preconceptions and opening our eyes to new ways of communicating and sharing love. In this article, I want to share some insights and practical strategies for deepening your connection with your non-verbal autistic child. Every autistic individual is unique, so what works for one may not work for another. The key is to remain open, patient, and willing to learn from your child.

Understanding Non-verbal Autism

Before we dive into connection strategies, it’s crucial to understand what non-verbal autism means. Non-verbal doesn’t mean non-communicative. Our children have rich inner worlds and a deep desire to connect; they simply communicate differently than neurotypical individuals.

Non-verbal autistic individuals may use a variety of methods to communicate, including:

• Body language and gestures
• Facial expressions
• Vocalisations (even if not words)
• Bringing objects to show interest
• Using assistive technology or picture cards
• Echolalia, this could either be a verbal/vocal stim or have a communicative intent (repeating words or phrases)

It’s our job as parents to become fluent in our child’s unique language. This process takes time, patience, and a willingness to think outside the box. But the rewards – those moments of genuine connection and understanding – are immeasurable.

The Importance of Rapport and Connection

You might wonder why we need to focus so much on connection. Isn’t it enough to provide for our children’s physical needs and ensure they’re receiving appropriate therapies and education? While these aspects are undoubtedly important, emotional connection forms the foundation for all other areas of development.

Connection:

• Builds trust and security
• Supports emotional regulation
• Encourages communication attempts
• Boosts self-esteem and confidence
• Lays the groundwork for learning and skill development

Moreover, a strong connection with your child can be a source of joy, comfort, and mutual understanding in what can sometimes feel like a challenging journey.

12 Strategies for Connecting With Your Child

Embrace Their Communication Style

One of the most important shifts we can make as parents is to broaden our definition of communication. Instead of waiting for words, we need to learn to “listen” with all our senses.

Start by observing your child closely. What does their body language tell you? How do their facial expressions change in different situations? Do they have specific vocalizations for different needs or emotions?

Pay special attention to stimming behaviours. Stimming – repetitive movements or sounds – is often a form of communication for autistic individuals. It can express emotions, help with sensory regulation, or indicate interest in something. Instead of trying to stop stimming, try to understand what it’s telling you about your child’s internal state.

Eye contact isn’t necessary for communication. Many autistic individuals find eye contact uncomfortable or even painful. Respect your child’s preference and don’t force eye contact. They may be listening intently even when not looking at you.

Follow Their Lead

One of the most powerful ways to connect with your child is to enter their world on their terms. This means following their lead in play and interaction.

If your child is lining up toys, join in. Add to their line or create a parallel line. If they’re spinning or rocking, try doing the same (as long as it’s physically safe for you). By mirroring their actions, you’re showing that you value their interests and ways of interacting with the world.

This approach, often called “joining” or “parallel play,” can open up avenues for connection that might not otherwise exist. It shows your child that you’re interested in their perspective and willing to step into their world.

Create a Sensory-Friendly Environment

Many autistic individuals have sensory sensitivities that can impact their ability to engage and connect. By creating a sensory-friendly environment, you’re setting the stage for more comfortable and meaningful interactions.

Consider factors like:

• Lighting (many prefer dimmer, non-fluorescent lights)
• Sound (background noise can be very distracting or overwhelming)
• Texture of clothing or furniture
• Smells (some may be overpowering)
• Visual clutter (a tidy, organized space can be calming)

You might create a special “connection corner” in your home that’s tailored to your child’s sensory preferences. This could be a cosy nook with soft blankets, a mini trampoline for movement seekers, or a tent for those who like enclosed spaces.

Embrace Their Passions

Special interests are often a hallmark of autism, they can be a sign of your child having monotropic focus. and they can be a powerful tool for connection. Instead of seeing these intense interests as a problem to be managed, view them as an opportunity to bond.

If your child is fascinated by trains, dive deep into the world of locomotives together. Learn about different types of trains, watch train videos, and visit train museums. Your genuine enthusiasm and willingness to engage with their interests can create strong emotional bonds.

Remember, it’s not about tolerating their interests – it’s about actively engaging with them. Show curiosity, ask questions (even if they can’t answer verbally), and express excitement about their passion.

Develop Non-verbal Games and Routines

Creating games and routines that don’t rely on verbal communication can be a fun way to connect. These might include:

• Peek-a-boo or hide-and-seek
• Rolling or throwing a ball back and forth
• Simple board games or matching games
• Fingerplays or action songs
• Sensory games like finding objects in a bin of rice

Routines can also be a source of connection. Autistic individuals often find comfort in predictability. You might develop a special bedtime routine, a morning greeting ritual, or a silly dance you do together when you’re happy.

Use Visual Supports

Visual aids can be incredibly helpful for non-verbal autistic children. They can support understanding, choice-making, and even emotional expression. Some ideas include:

• A visual schedule of daily activities
• A choice board for selecting activities or foods
• Emotion cards to help identify and express feelings
• Social stories to prepare for new experiences

These visual supports not only aid in communication but can also be a point of connection as you use them together.

Respect Their Need for Space

While connection is important, it’s equally crucial to respect your child’s need for alone time. Many autistic individuals find social interaction draining, even with loved ones. They may need time to recharge in solitude.

Don’t take it personally if your child needs to retreat sometimes. This doesn’t mean they don’t love you or want to connect. In fact, respecting their need for space can strengthen your bond by showing that you understand and accept their needs.

Remember that parallel play – being in the same room engaged in separate activities – can be a form of connection for autistic individuals. Sometimes, quiet companionship is all that’s needed.

Show Affection on Their Terms

Physical affection can be tricky territory with autistic children. Some crave deep pressure but dislike light touch. Others may prefer no physical contact at all. It’s important to respect your child’s preferences and body autonomy.

Observe how your child reacts to different types of touch. Do they lean into hugs or pull away? Do they seek out rough-and-tumble play or prefer gentler interactions? Follow their cues and ask before initiating physical contact, even if they’re your child.

Remember that affection can be shown in many ways beyond physical touch. It might be spending time together, sharing interests, or providing help with difficult tasks.

Leverage Technology

In our digital age, technology can be a valuable tool for connection. Many non-verbal autistic individuals find it easier to engage through digital mediums. This might involve:

• Co-viewing videos on topics of interest
• Playing side-by-side tablet games
• Using AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) apps to facilitate shared communication

Be mindful of screen time, but don’t be afraid to use technology as a bridge for connection when used thoughtfully.

Practice Patience and Presumed Competence

Connecting with a non-verbal child requires patience. They may need more time to process information and formulate responses, even non-verbal ones. Give them this time without rushing or answering for them.

Equally important is the principle of presumed competence. Always assume that your child understands more than they can express. Speak to them as you would any child their age, even if they don’t respond in expected ways. This respectful approach can foster a deeper connection and may encourage more communication attempts over time.

Create Consistent Connection Time

Setting aside dedicated time each day for one-on-one interaction can be powerful. This doesn’t have to be long – even 5-10 minutes of focused attention can be meaningful. The key is consistency.

Try to make this time:

• Predictable (same time each day if possible)
• Free from distractions
• Tailored to your child’s interests and energy levels
• Pressure-free (no demands for specific types of interaction)

This regular, relaxed connection time can become a comforting anchor in your child’s day and a space for organic bonding to occur.

Celebrate Unique Expressions of Love

Autistic children often have their own ways of expressing affection that might not align with typical expectations. Learning to recognize and celebrate these unique expressions can deepen your connection.

Your child might:

• Bring you objects they value
• Include you in their routines or rituals
• Sit near you without direct interaction
• Share their special interests with you
• Mimic your actions or words

These may seem small, but they can be profound expressions of trust and affection from your child’s perspective.

The Journey of Connection

Connecting with your non-verbal autistic child is a journey, not a destination. There will be challenges, setbacks, and moments of frustration. But there will also be breakthroughs, joy, and a depth of understanding that you might never have imagined possible.

Remember that your child doesn’t need to speak to feel your love and support. Your efforts to understand their world, to connect on their terms, and to create a supportive environment speak volumes. Every small moment of connection is a victory to be celebrated.

As you embark on this journey, be kind to yourself. You’re learning a new language – the unique language of your child. It’s okay to make mistakes. What matters is your willingness to keep trying, to keep learning, and to keep loving.

Seek support when you need it. Connect with other parents of autistic children, join support groups, or work with professionals who understand and respect neurodiversity. Remember, taking care of yourself is crucial – you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Most importantly, enjoy your time with your child. Look for the joy in your interactions, celebrate the small victories, and cherish the unique bond you’re building. Your child may not express it in typical ways, but your love and efforts to connect mean the world to them.

In conclusion, connecting with your non-verbal autistic child is about entering their world, understanding their perspective, and building a bridge between your neurotypes. It’s a journey of patience, creativity, and unconditional love. By embracing their unique way of experiencing the world and communicating, you’re not only deepening your bond but also supporting their development in a respectful, affirming way.